Discovering Me
by thefaultinourfunnystory
Summary: How will the entering the Hunger Games affect the journey of one young girl discovering her identity? Added to the pressure of the games, there's also pressure from her surroundings to fake her identity to survive. Will she ever be able to truly discover herself?
1. Chapter 1

Life is never easy. Especially mine. Only 16 and I've already been through so much. So much that most people would have already given up. Many have for much less. I probably would have if not for Prim. Beautiful, sweet, innocent Primrose Everdeen. My little sister whom I love with all my heart. I kept on fighting the darkness surrounding me for her because she needs someone to take care of her. Someone to provide for her. Someone to love her.

Prim has already lost so much. She lost her, our, father to the mines. She lost our mother to the grief. You see, after our father died, my mother fell into a crippling depression. She would rarely get up and eat, drink, or sleep, let alone support her children. We had no income, no food, no new clothes, no nothing. Prim and me were starving. I had tried to sell some of Prim's old baby clothes one day, but no one took an interest in them. I had given up that night. I collapsed against an old tree next to the bakery and was planning on just sitting there and dying. Dying from the hunger and the pain of knowing my little, baby sister was going to die from starvation. Knowing that I couldn't save her.

Then I heard screaming coming from inside the bakery. About a minute later, the youngest of the baker's boys came out with two burnt loaves of bread. He faked as if he was feeding them to the pigs and instead threw them to me. He not only saved my life that day, but also the day he saved Prim and my moms lives. He gave me hope that day. The hope that reminded me of the bows my father had stashed in the forest. The hope that reminded me that I could hunt, though it is illegal.

I never talked to that boy again. I never got to thank him. I never got to repay my debt to him and I am a person who doesn't like to be in debt to anyone. I always must repay people for the favors they do for me. The baker's boy performed the biggest favor I've ever accepted and I haven't been able to repay him. If it weren't for him I never would have met my best friend and hunting partner Gale. Gale and I meet in the woods when we were younger. I had started hunting regularly to support my family and one day ran into Gale in the woods. At first we didn't get along very well, but we eventually bonded and became inseparable.

Many people believe Gale and I are dating and that we will probably get married in the future. Those people couldn't be more wrong. At least on my side. Gale is like a brother to me. I could never imagine being romantically involved with him. That and I never plan on getting married or having kids. I don't want to risk becoming so dependent on someone that I fall apart without them. That I abandon my own children because of the grief. I never want to cause myself the pain I saw my mother go through nor do I want to cause anyone to deal with what I had to because they lost their mother to that pain. It would be cruel.

Since I never planned on getting married I never thought about crushes or relationships or anything like that. Shocking for a 16-year-old girl I know. My job was to care for Prim and that was all I needed. I never thought about love. At least not until tonight. The night Peeta Mellark, the baker's boy, declared his love for me on national television. Now onto how we got here.

. . .

No one in my house got a peaceful sleep that night. It was the night before Prim's first reaping and we were all scared, especially Prim. The odds really are in her favor though because she only has one slip in the bowl. I wouldn't let her take tesserae and it's only her first year so she only has one slip in the bowl. That doesn't change the nerves we are all feeling though.

Recently my mom has started to come back to her old self though I still don't completely trust her. The morning of the reaping she left me one of her blue dresses from her merchant days to wear. We are all supposed to dress up for the reaping because you want to look your best if you get sent to your death. Prim is wearing one of my old reaping day outfits. My mom decided to do my hair in this complicated braided up do that actually looked really pretty.

Once we were all ready we walked down to the town square where the reaping takes place. A stage is set up in the square with large screens to play the stupid capital video we have to watch every year. On the stage are the mayor and our capitol escort, Effie Trinket. Keeping with tradition, Effie Trinket is wearing a strange colored wig and ridiculous dress. On top of her appearance, she talks with an annoying capitol accent that is so much fun to make fun of.

I helped Prim check in and gave her a hug before we had to part ways to our respective sections. I went to stand with the 16 year old girls while Prim went to stand with the 12 year old girls. Finally our drunken victor, Haymitch Abernathy, arrives the reaping begins.

The usual speeches are given and the capitol video that talks about how the hunger games are a punishment for the dark days. Once all of that is over, Effie heads towards the girls bowl and begins searching through the bowl until she finally chooses a slip of paper.

"Primrose Everdeen."

That's when my world froze. I see Prim slowly walking forward and before I can process what I'm doing I'm running towards the stage volunteering as tribute. Gale has to come forward and drag a hysterical Prim while I walk up onto the stage. All that's going through my mind is don't cry. Don't look weak. I zone out for a little while and the next thing I know I see the bakers boy, the one who saved me when I was younger, standing next to me as my fellow tribute. Isn't this great.


	2. Chapter 2

After Peeta and I shake hands, we are ushered into separate rooms for our goodbyes. The capital is kind enough to allow us 10 minutes to say goodbye to our family and friends before we are sent to the capital to be paraded around and eventually killed. I don't have very many friends so unlike Mr. Popular next door I should get a few minutes with my family.

After about a minute my mother and Prim come running in. Prim immediately jumps into my arms and I pull her close to me, holding her tight. I'm trying not to cry but the thought that this might be the last time I get to hold my baby sister brings a few tears. If my mother happens to zone out again, she will only have the Hawthorne's and they already have a full house. I don't even want to imagine what would happen to my sweet, innocent little sister.

After I finally release Prim, I walked up to my mother and whispered in her ear, "I don't care what happens to me, you need to be there for Prim. You can't leave again no matter how hard it may be. If I die, you are all she has so you better not let her down. Do you understand?"

It probably sounds a bit rough to say to my mother but it's all true. She can't leave. That plus our mother-daughter relationship was broken the second my dad died. My mom finally agreed to my terms and I looked back at Prim. She came up to me and told me she had one final request of me.

"Please win and come back to me."

That was her one request of me. To survive these horrid games and come back to her. And I can't deny Prim anything, so of course I say yes. I promise her I will try my hardest to come back and see her again. I always keep my promises, but I'm not sure how I'll manage to keep this one. Given that our mentor is a drunk, I'll probably try to get help from another mentor. Though why any other mentor would want to help a girl from 12, I don't know. I will definitely try my damn well hardest to win one of them over even if it seems hopeless.

After one more tearful hug from Prim, Prim and my mother are dragged out of the room by a peacekeeper. Then Gale comes in. He envelopes me in a bone crushing hug as soon as he enters.

"Listen Katniss, you are a master archer. Just get a bow in the arena and you'll be able to win no problem. Killing a kid isn't mush different from killing the animals in the woods when we go hunting. You are going to win this. You have survival skills and experience with weapons. You have this in the bag. I'll take care of Prim and your mother while your gone. You are coming back to me. I won't take no for answer. I'll see you soon."

He then kissed my forehead and walked out the door. I never got to say goodbye but that was probably the point. I won't need to say goodbye because I will see him again. After I win these games.

My next visitor was my kind-of friend Madge, the mayor's daughter. Madge and I were both the wallflowers at school so we sat together and lunch and would partner up for partner activities. She wished me look and told me that she knew she would see me soon. She also gave me this gold mockingjay pin that apparently used to belong to her aunt to use as my token. It was a sweet gesture considering that I never thought we were that close.

My final, and completely surprising, visitor was Mr. Mellark, my fellow tributes father. He came in, wished me luck, gave me a bag of cookies, and then left. It was quite strange but I brushed it off. The peacekeepers then "escorted" me to the train. Really they just dragged me onto the train, but if saying they escorted me there makes them feel better, more power to them.

Our tribute, mentor, escort reunion was more of us all nodding at each other and then going to our separate apartments.

. . .

After a semi-eventful train ride me arrived at the Capitol. The one main event of the train ride was Peeta and I forcing Haymitch to sober up and help us. During this altercation, I might have thrown a knife into the table in front of Haymitch. That was when he, and I quote, "saw my spark."

In the Capital, there were probably a thousand weirdly dressed teens wanting to catch a glimpse of the tributes. It truly is sick. How twisted was these peoples upbringing that watching kids kill each other is fun? It's almost like they're not human.

Entering the lobby of the training center, there is one person who catches my eye. The district seven mentor, Johanna Mason. I must have been staring because I notice her wink at me. I immediately looked away and then wondered why I did. I never back away from a challenge. Why is it different with her? Is it because I'm about to have to kill other children to survive or is it her? I choose to go with the first because there was no way in hell the second option is true. She's most certainly not a friend and the only other option would be I'm attracted to her, but that too is not possible. I'm straight. Everyone in district 12 is straight. That's the only way to live. You marry to reproduce not just for love. Marriage must be practical.

Haymitch eventually starts to push me towards a stairwell with a giant sign saying, "prep" above it. I guess it's time to make me "pretty." I wish look to whosever job that is.

. . .

Prep was literally hell. I had every single possible concoction poured on my skin and had all the hair except me eyelashes, eyebrows, and the hair on my head violently ripped off of my body. I was then brought to beauty base zero, natural make-up and nails painted a neutral color. I hardly recognized myself when I was allowed to look in the mirror. I don't look like myself at all.

After prep, I was sent to an empty room and given a robe to hide my nakedness. I was sitting on this large, soft, extremely comfortable couch, looking out the window at the obnoxiousness of the Capital. I heard a door open and close and assumed that was my designer.

While I was right that that was my designer, Cinna, he was not at all what I expected.


	3. Chapter 3

**Authors Note**

**In this chapter as well as upcoming chapters there will be opinions expressed and actions taken about same-sex relationships. I want to share to you all that I don't agree with all the opinions that will appear in this story. As much as I hate to write those sections, they are necessary to developing Katniss's conflict and the plot of this story. I support all members of the LGBTQ community and believe that they deserve the same rights and treatment as everyone else. I just wanted to clear this up and to apologize if anything said in this story offends anyone. That is not its intention. Thank you for your understanding and for reading this story. -Nay**

* * *

><p>I expected some atrocious barely human creature to walk through the door. Someone with neon green or pink hair and turquoise skin with pounds of makeup on and some hideous outfit. Thankfully, my designer, Cinna as he introduced himself, seemed completely normal. He was wearing black, simple, normal clothing with gold eyeliner. While still semi-eccentric, Cinna was an answer to my prayers.<p>

I figured that I would be stuck wearing some bland, stereotypical coal miner's outfit, or, _if I were so lucky, _I would be wearing nothing more than "coal dust." I'm sure Miss. Mason would love that. Not that I care. I'm just glad that there is now a 90% that I won't be almost completely naked on national television. At least I will still have some dignity left while I'm fighting to the death. And I'll die with dignity as well. I'm only going to kill in self-defense or the defense of my allies, or if I know for sure that me killing that person will result in myself going home to Prim.

Now I, hopefully, will be wearing a semi-decent outfit that may help me to gain a few sponsors who may just be my ticket to life. My ticket to getting back to Prim. As much as I hate the capitolites, they are key to getting back to Prim. If I want to leave that arena not in my coffin, I'm going to need the support of a few of them and this person, Cinna, is my best shot at convincing them to help me. So now back to the present.

After some brief introductions and small talk shared over a delicious meal courtesy of the Capitols avoxes, we got down to business. I didn't recognize Cinna from past games, so that means that he must be new this year. That would also explain why he is stuck with district 12. They always stick us with the newbie's until they prove themselves. The Capitol doesn't want to risk the chances of any of the important districts. The districts with tributes that actually have a chance at winning the games. All anyone ever thinks of the district 12 tributes is that they are there to be killed in the bloodbath by careers.

That is, until now. Now they have me, a tribute who actually has a reason to try and win these fucked up games. A tribute who excels with a bow and arrows. A tribute who is used to starvation and killing for a living. Not people, but animals of course. And now I have a great stylist on top of that. I trust Cinna. He is one of the few people here I can trust. He's proven to me that he isn't a heartless man with a love of watching kids kill each other in an apparent game.

Not to mention the stunning outfit he created for me. He helped with Peeta's as well, since we must be matching. I wear it better though. It's a simple skintight jumpsuit with a black headband. Peeta is wearing a simple black suit with black pants. At first glance, the outfits seem simple with no relationship to coal or coal mining whatsoever. Then we got on our chariot, held hands, and got lit on fire. No, not literally, but there were artificial flames going from the section of my jumpsuit surrounding my neck and my headband. I spent the whole chariot ride fearing that I was going to get burned.

We certainly made a good first impression. Or I guess it was really a second impression since everyone's first impression of us is from the reaping's. Regardless, the whole country and President Snow himself have all taken notice of us. Not to mention the other tributes. I found it quite amusing taking in the various looks of hatred, shock, jealousy, and awe that was on all of my fellow tributes faces. Even my district partner, Peeta, had a strange look on his face.

While I was heading towards the elevator, I caught the stare of one particular person. The one person who is the only source of my only doubt currently. The victor from district 7. Miss. Johanna Mason. We make eye contact and the next thing I know, she is pulling me into an elevator. An elevator with no other occupants.

"Hello Brainless…" she purred while slowly cornering me.

"What do you want?" I respond with a shaky voice.

"I thought I made my intentions very clear, but obviously you live up to your nickname I coined you, clever isn't it. I've had my eyes on you since I saw you volunteer for your little sister. She's a cute one by the way. Then I saw you in person for the first time in the lobby and, boy, do you look so much hotter in person. Your innocence mixed with the type of pain that few of us have felt is the most attractive thing I have encountered. I wanted to extend to you the invitation of joining me on my floor either before or after these, soon to be your, games. See you later Brainless!"

And then she just walked off of the elevator onto the 7th floor. Leaving me in shock standing alone in the elevator. I couldn't wrap my head around what had just happened. Did Johanna Mason just admit that she is attracted to me? Did she really just invite me to go down to her floor and fuck her? Did she really just tell me that she thinks I'm going to win these games?

If it were anyone else I would think they just threw in the games part to try and seduce me, but were talking about the weakling turned powerhouse victor from district 7. I barely know her, but I can tell she wouldn't swoop that low. No victor would ever give a tribute that much false hope of coming out of the arena alive. It would be cruel.

So now I have yet another thing to worry about. Before, I was just barely able to push Johanna out of my head, but now she's going to infiltrating everyone one of my thoughts and actions. My whole being. I'm doomed. There is absolutely no way I could go back to living in district 12 if people knew that I was attracted to another female. It's not acceptable. No one would look at me the same way. Instead of being viewed as strong, I would be viewed as an anomaly. A murderer and a lesbian. What a great combination.


End file.
